Cooks Rule

Cooks rule. Or do we? When Sharon, my wife, and I first got together I liked to cook; she not so much. We made a deal, I would cook and she would clean. For the most part that system works even after all these years. However I am starting to understand how sneaky and underhanded she can be. Not only did she get me to do all the cooking for her; I now believe she forced me to change my eating habits. Oh I know this has made me a healthier and happier person and I am not really complaining, just wondering how she did all this while making me think I was in charge of MY kitchen. I just don’t know if she did all this because she loves me or because of what I did to HER kitchen.  

It all started when I rearranged Her kitchen, MY way. Sharon has always liked her home to have an uncluttered look with everything in its proper place, preferably out of sight. I on the other hand like my cooking items within easy reach. I want my cooking utensils to be quick, accessible, and in easy reach, so I took those frequently used food prep items out of the draws and cabinets and placed them on HER counter tops where I could easily grab them. After all I was the cook and cooks rule. And if I had left it at that I may have gotten away with it; but no, I had to rub salt in the wound.  

The next thing I did in MY kitchen was to build a pot rack over the stove. That way if I wanted a pot or pan it would be hanging right in front of me. I could simply grab it and start cooking. I was so proud of myself. Appliances and other stuff on the counter top and a new pot rack. What could be better? I showed my new wife MY new kitchen. Sharon’s comment was something like, “Well okay, if you want all those pots and pans hanging where everybody can see them and all that other stuff cluttering up the counter tops, I guess it is alright.” Don’t get me wrong. She is no dummy. She may not have liked MY kitchen clutter but she knew enough to let me have my way if she wanted me to do the cooking. At least that is what I thought at the time. Since I was on a roll and not being one to leave well enough alone I agreed to, and even encouraged her to do the grocery shopping too. After all I was doing all the cooking why shouldn’t she do the shopping. I thought I had won another one, but perhaps not.

Back then we were both meat and potatoes people. We ate lots of gravy and sauces poured over rice, noodles, and red meat. Of course this type of diet had our guts pouring over our belts. I didn’t care. I was a happy guy with a beautiful wife who was eating delicious meals that I enjoyed cooking in a kitchen arranged my way. What my lovely sneaky wife was doing was to slowly start buying more healthy food. I hardly noticed when she started buying the same foods but the ones with less calories and lower fat. Over time she introduced more green stuff and brought home nothing that contained salt or sugar. I didn’t even notice that I wasn’t using those pots and pans as much as I use to because I was now prepping food more than I was cooking food.

It wasn’t just the food she was buying either. She started making us take long walks, go for bicycle rides, and she joined Curves for women. Her sneaky plan was working. After all who wants biscuits and gravy after you have walked for 30 minutes before breakfast? Wouldn’t an apple taste so much better? Now the good news here is that over time, and by time I mean a couple years, we have both lost around 50 pounds each. Which I admit is good for us. But remember I like to cook and it seems that I don’t cook anymore. Hell we don’t even eat anymore, we graze on salads and stuff I have to chop and peel. Where is the fun in that? Oh well I still enjoy watching the Food Channel.

So how did Miss Sneaky win? The other day we got to talking about rearranging the kitchen and dinning room. I discovered that of the 16 items on MY counter tops I only use the knives, cutting boards, and coffee pot. Of all those hanging pots on my pot rack I now only use 1 sauté pan and 1 steamer pot. It has taken 10 years but I have to admit my sneaky loving wife was right all along. But how do I admit that to her? How can I tell her that in MY kitchen I have 13 unwanted and unused items on MY counter tops and I only use 2 of those pots on the pot rack? Because if I did that my wife would dance around MY kitchen singing “Told you so; told you so”. Let’s face it, if I took down the pots and pans, cleaned off the counter tops, and admitted to my wife that she was right all along I would have to give up my “Man Card” that I keep in my wallet in the back pocket of my pants. That would be the pants that I have trouble keeping up since I lost all that weight. I just bet you if I gave her half a chance she would even take credit for us losing all that weight and getting heather when everybody knows it is always the cook who prepares the food and who deserves all the credit. What’s that you say? She told me what to prepare? Well maybe, but I’m still the cook and Cooks Rule.